by David Strohm
If you’ve spent any time in the car with the radio on, you’ve probably heard a few traffic reports. “280 is clear to the Buckley Tunnel, there’s a 2 car accident on the Nimitz at Washington Blvd, and its stop and go on 127 through Brisbane”…you know… the kind of stuff that makes you really glad to be anywhere else BUT those places.”
However, in almost every traffic report you’ll hear them talk about stuff that has fallen off someone’s truck into the roadway. “If youre traveling on Narraganset past the Peabody exit watch out for the ladder in the left hand lane.” So I started thinking. All those ladders and mattresses, wheelbarrows, office chairs, sofas they warn you about… what happens to this stuff? Its not like the drivers are going to go back to GET them. I mean what kind of nutcase is going to stop his truck, dodge cars across 3 lanes of traffic to haul this junk off? Finder's Keepers... that’s who. Here’s how it works.
My friends all listen to different radio stations anyway. When they hear about an oriental rug in the slow lane of 280 just past the Sneath street exit, I call Kirk Bennett who is sitting in his truck eating doughnuts, JUST waiting for my call. I give Kirk the precise coordinates and he zips over there in a hurry.
Now here’s the tricky part. Freeway traffic is sorta dangerous. Cars are going fast and there’s a whole bunch of lanes. Luckily… we’ve got Kirk. You see Kirk used to be a bullrider. Yup. One of those guys who – for fun -- climbs atop a two ton bull and tries to ride him around. So its not like he’s afraid of a few SUVs going 70 miles per hour. Now Kirk HAS been stepped on by a few bulls in his time so he’s not all that agile. But he makes up for it with big time attitude… this Squint Eastwood stare that will stop those cars dead in their tracks… at least long enough to drag the stuff onto the median.
There is this slight fly in the ointment.... Kirk almost owns United Airlines now, so he's only retrieving for FK in search of that sheer adrenaline rush. I've got some stuff on plate as well. So we need someone to sell the treasure. We split the loot 3 ways
The money should be good. You hear about a WHOLE bunch of ladders out there. A good ladder will bring in 50-60 bucks. And when we score one of those oriental rugs… hey… we may have enough to join that new Cuesta Country Club.
You hear that sound? (If not, turn up your speakers) That folks, is the sound of opportunity knocking!